I always told the children not to put Suddenly when writing.
But now I am breaking the rule.
I read a blog about teaching and wished I hadn’t.
Today I thought about teaching and promotion and wished I hadn’t.
Today I had the opportunity to take a step up the line in my present job and felt sick, angry, and liable to cry, partly in frustration, partly in fear and partly out of desperation that a previous life could hold so much sway over me.
I can do the job I want to go for, I am already doing it.
But in my mind I hear the voice saying, I am disappointed in you, I suppose I could do it myself, don’t know how, but I guess it’ll get done. I really thought you would have stepped up to the plate, then when the others left you crumbled, why did you take it on? I can’t trust you, I can’t rely on you, you are making things worse, you don’t listen, you seem unable to comprehend the slightest explanation…
Warning I am going to do something I hardly ever do.
I am going to swear very loudly and strongly.
How DARE that person still play havoc with my mind?
I am in charge.
I will put things in place to enable me to work.
I will apply.
I’ll show me.